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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30056133">Splintered</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/aotbrainrot/pseuds/aotbrainrot'>aotbrainrot</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Attack on Titan, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Hurt, Gen, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Internal Monologue, armins thoughts, does it ever drive you crazy, episode 73, just how fast the night changes, mikasa thoughts, table scene, this was painful</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 16:40:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,388</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30056133</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/aotbrainrot/pseuds/aotbrainrot</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"You're absolutely useless"<br/>"I've always hated you"<br/>Or <br/>The one where Armin and Mikasa get hurt by their closest friend</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Armin Arlert &amp; Eren Yeager, Armin Arlert/Eren Yeager, EMA - Relationship, Mikasa Ackerman &amp; Armin Arlert &amp; Eren Yeager, Mikasa Ackerman &amp; Eren Yeager</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>56</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Splintered</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i have a love-hate (mostly hate) relationship with this scene. this contains spoilers for part of the episode that was released yesterday so proceed wisely. i just want to hug armin and mikasa :(<br/>i plan to expand this sometime next month and maybe add a Mikasa pov<br/>edit: i've expanded it!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Armin almost didn't notice when Eren walked in.</p><p>"Eren.", is all that can leave his lips when he first sees him. The guy looks tired, his eyes seem haunted by ghosts that Armin cannot see and he looks gaunt in a way that makes him almost unrecognizable. When they lock eyes the feeling that overcomes him can only be described as a tidal wave of grief and anxiety.</p><p>"We're the ones who wanted to talk to you. We just want to know what you're thinking Eren.." He thinks back to all the nights he and Mikasa had ventured into each others rooms asking themselves <em>'why, why would Eren do this? Does he really side with Zeke?' Why didn't he speak to us? </em>They hadn't been able to answer those questions for themselves.</p><p>
  <em>I am free</em>
</p><p>Free to kill children and civilians is how Armin completes the sentence in his head. Still a nagging voice in his head '<em>you helped him did you not? you aren't innocent either.' </em>He remembers the looks on those sailors before he'd shifted, all those lives he'd taken, could he really take the moral high ground in this conversation (if one could even call it that). He hears Mikasa questioning Erens freedom and he can <em>feel </em>the desperation in her voice. She knows as much as he does that this isn't Eren, and yet when he searches those green eyes that once used to be bare to him, he finds nothing. </p><p>The question about Annie throws him off and so do the following accusations. It's funny he thinks, how Eren seems to be accusing him of loving the enemy when he'd been the one to hesitate to fight Annie at Stohess District all those years ago. God, he can't believe he's thinking this right now but it had been so much easier back then even though the betrayal had gutted him, at least he'd known what Eren would and wouldn't do. </p><p><em> “</em>But now all you can say is ‘let's talk’, you’re absolutely useless”</p><p>              Armin remembers the ceremony held in honor of the Scouts and the way Eren had defended him against Floch. He recalls the shock he’d felt when Floch said that Eren had refused to give up on him. The shame he’d felt when he’d heard that it should’ve been Erwin had made him want to disappear. The silent looks of agreement in the room had let him know it was a commonly held opinion and yet Eren assured him and reminded him of their dream of the sea. “<em>That's right, the sea. You haven’t seen it yet”</em>, had been the words Eren said. From what he’d gathered, Eren had had to be carried away from his body because he’d been pleading and screaming to Captain Levi to save him. </p><p><em> ‘Didn’t I have Bertolts titan then?’</em> is what he thinks to himself. Somehow Erens words don't surprise him, he remembers when Eren had called him a coward all those years ago and how Mikasa had punched Eren on his behalf. Even then the gap between them had been noticeable, but they’d been friends, <em>hadn’t they? </em>There are so many memories shifting through his mind of the hours they'd spent talking about their dreams, fears, and strategies. '<em>You're absolutely useless', </em>was only a confirmation of what he'd always suspected.</p><p>Eren hadn't always thought that about him could he? He still remembers those years as fresh cadets when Eren had first transformed, the fear that they'd all shared concerning Erens fate. He remembers those steps he'd taken, determined to plead Erens case to the man who had a cannon trained on them and how his own voice had rang out unwavering. </p><p><em>He isn't the enemy of humanity. </em>He's not sure he can claim that so boldly anymore.</p><p>The smile and nod Eren had given him that day gave him the courage to say that he'd be willing to die if only to prove how useful Eren could be. What a cruel twist of fate.</p><p>“I couldn’t stand to look at a slave who always followed orders”</p><p>            They’re 8 years old and Eren is telling him about a girl he’d met with dark hair and grey eyes. He remembers when they’d all met together for the first time and how excited Eren had been to tell Mikasa about the sea and everything he’d learnt from Armin’s book. He remembers the way Mikasa had always protected the two of them even when they disliked her for it, even when they begged her not to. All those days flash through his mind like a sorrowful breeze and all they show him is Mikasa making choices that benefitted the three of them, dragging Eren when he'd refuse to back down from fights or beating him when he was mean to Armin. Was that what slavery looked like to this <em>stranger</em> across the table? He knows it's all lies, she loves them, that is all there is to it.</p><p>“Ever since I was a kid… Mikasa, I’ve always hated you”</p><p>          The words are barely out in the open before he leaps across the table. “Eren. How dare you” is what he screams as he launches but his attack is cut short by Mikasa slamming him down on the table. Her action surprises him but all he says is "Mikasa?!"</p><p>“All you’ve ever done in your life was dictated by your Ackerman blood. It’s all you are”</p><p>        When his fist connects with Eren's face, Armin’s not sure what hurt more, his hand or seeing how far Eren had gone to hurt him and Mikasa. The first punch from Eren stuns him and all his thoughts are disoriented. When Eren throws him into the wine cabinet, the shattered bottles seem to be a representation of what was left of their decade long friendship. His head is spinning, the broken glass is piercing but still he wills himself to stand.</p><p><em>Why don't you ever fight back Armin? </em>Well now he is fighting back.</p><p>     “So Armin, we’ve never fought before, have we?” Eren says cooly as he towers over Armin. This feeling of being tiny is all too similar to how he’d felt every time he’d gotten cornered by his bullies, the same bullies Eren would rescue him from. Unlike those days, he has to get up on his own and fight but it’s useless, every punch he throws is easily dodged. </p><p>“Do you know why that is? Because it could never be a fair fight”</p><p>      Armin knows that he is right. Every punch and kick that he receives reminds him again and again of those days. It didn’t matter how much Eren had comforted him then, it didn’t matter that the titan he held was a <em>god of destruction</em>, none of it mattered when his head hit the ground. Perhaps he’d been a fool to ever think Eren was his friend, maybe this was Eren’s revenge for all the years of having to take care of him. While Mikasa holds him up, he’s painfully aware of how <em>ironic</em> it is that unlike the other times when he’d been beaten down, Eren wasn’t the one wanting to go after the bullies.</p><p>     There’s nothing more he wants to do in that moment than to hurt the boy he’d once known. “So? What is it… you even wanted to say? Is this the freedom you wanted?.. The freedom to hurt Mikasa…?” Armin spits out. His voice drops low when he continues with “You’re a slave too and your master’s a worthless bastard”. The flash of hurt in Eren’s eyes wasn’t enough, nothing would ever be enough. The rage simmers into something that feels worse. Somehow, Eren had slipped through his fingers and he hadn't realized it.</p><p>   Whatever it is he’d once thought he’d known about Eren was gone and all that was left were tainted memories and painful shards.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>“When I heard your words and I looked into your eyes”</em>
</p><p>
  <em> “The outside World. Eren, if we could explore it… if only we could see it for ourselves someday"</em>
</p><p>
  <em> “What we’ll do next is for Armin to decide.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You’re good at making good calls when things go south right? I thought I would rely on that.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m not dying here, no way. Hey Armin, you told me about the outside world so I want to see it.” </em>
</p><p> </p>
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